STILL LAUGHING

In the next few days a few serious posts will be added, but for the minute, let's continue to laugh at Lewes (it's so easy to do as well, liking shooting fish in a barrel!).
New Year's Day. Lewes host the mighty Eastbourne Borough at their rather sad excuse for a ground, the Bed Pan. Actually, I'll be fair, it is quite a nice little ground, probably will be one of the best in the Ryman South in a few years time. Just far from suitable for a decent football club. Which doesn't really matter, as Lewes are far from being a decent football club.
Anyway, before the game, let's look at how Lewes works off-field. Well, simply put, it doesn't. Things have improved considerably from last year - at least this time they remembered to print programs! And they opened the bars and tea points. Simple things, but ones which they forgot to do last season.
So, full marks so far. Some of the tea points were serving tea, some were not. A bit odd, but we'll let it go. At least the turnstiles were open this year (I know, you would think that a football club would remember to open the turnstiles for their biggest gate of the season. Last year, someone forgot to do just that!). Somewhere before half time a friend went to one of the tea points that was serving tea and asked for (you can probably see where this is going) a cup of tea. No problem they said, but would you like it warm? Strange question. But not for Lewes. They were happy to serve tea, but had run out of hot water and were unable to get any more, it apparantly being on ration in Lewes, or something. Unless you take your tea with cold water, it had to be micro-waved! O the joy of visiting a well-run club!
And a quick mention for the crowd. There must have been some Lewes fans there, it was their ground after all, but they were well out-numbered by the Boro fans, and the Lewes fans kept very quiet throughout. Well, 100% silent, in fact.
The game? Not quite as poor as at Boro, but still pretty dire. Lewes had learnt from their 1-0 defeat the week before, and on several occassions passed the ball forward. Never once to a Lewes player, but it showed the right attitude.
Borough played badly, the first 30 minutes didn't have a single shot on target, but the last ten-fifteen minutes of the first half were dominated by Boro, who were very unlucky not to have got a goal or three. HT 0-0.
Second half was as bad as the first. Neither team did much - a lot of the blame must be laid on the state of the pitch, which had been maintained to the very highest standards - if you wanted to graze donkeys on it, which is what Lewes do every other weekend.
After 20 minutes, and me getting worried that my £25 bet on Borough to win (11/8 with Bet365, great value odds I thought) was going down the pan, Boro brought on our fast,m talented but very unpredictable winger, Nathan Crabb, while Boro prepared for a free kick deep in our own half. The free kick was taken as Nathan came on, he had to run to chase the ball, got it, went round three Lewes defenders, looked like he was going to shoot, Lewes GK committed himself, Nathan calmly tapped it sideways to the oncoming Dan Smith, powerful shot, one-nil Borough and a great first touch for Nathan.
Borough now dominated the game, a re-run of the previous week, Lewes looking panicked and pulling everyone back to defend their 1-0 disadvantage, and the game started to peter out as Borough seemed happy with the 1-0 scoreline and the three points, thank you very much. Several half-chances a few fantastic moves that cut Lewes apart, but no real finishing.
10 minutes to go, and the unthinkable happened! Lewes started to play football! They attacked! They were, I have to admit, the better side and getting better all the time! My bet started to look dodgy again.
Things were not helped by a referee who couldn't tell the time. By my watch, 4 minutes added time had been played, and no whistle. Then an announcement. A minimum of three minutes was to be added! For what? There had been no stoppages! I was getting worried that Lewes may sneak a last-minute equaliser - Boro were defending desperately, and showing no real inclination to attack.
Then, with perhaps 30 seconds to play, a Lewes player, near the Borough penalty area, slipped on their crap surface, and lost the ball to that man Nathan Crabb. Ball sent wide, Borough attack on the break, balled crossed over, Nathan Crabb there to volley the ball straight through the legs of the advancing keeper! 2-0, final whistle, and bye-bye Lewes, been nice knowing you, next season's big derby will be with Bognor Regis, if you are lucky!